Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Life . . . . it just happens

Is life really meant to be figured out? Mannn so many thoughts and ideas rape my brain ..especially when i'm working, sleeping...trying to sleep.Ive written a book in my head, I read it in my sleep... sooo hear goes nothing:

Did u see the soul train awards... I did, lost count of how many times. I love Ms. Baker  s/o to PANDORA.  .. exhibt A : Freddy Jackson that guy is NSFW....exhibt B the show made me want new music like a new Adele album. running to buy The Sea when I get a free paycheck. I think it'll make me happy, either that or I should be able to at least clean up or drink a bottle of wine to it.

The Shhh! guy is still in my  bubble, his smile makes me smile, his laugh makes me laugh, I'm putting good energy out for us ..hope I get it back 

....I miss my friends alot, or do i just miss the times we had, or where I was in life then?
Man i'm 28  single as in not married...No kids on the horizon...shhh! and I are committed
I often feel like I should be commited, apart of me has died chasing my little girl dream, not i'm just chasing pavements....things are hard ..set in stone ....my faith hasn't reached jackhammer status....s/n i dont obsesses about these things .....more patience is a goal

I spent every weekend in Nov. doing something.. it was hectic I like to keep busy , it relaxes my conscience and forces me to live in the moment. 
I think alot maybe thats why I tend to tune people out or cut them off in conversations..... Inside I predict the what ifs and assess risks..its a terrible habit! There is a child in me that is deathly afraid to take risks....I sweat and go into mental overload when I don't feel safe. 
Happiness is good in small doses...lately i've been using all my happiness for others! I know some people who are simply wonderful @ life.

pouring into my glass to make it full

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